These two words can almost feel the same, but in essence they are not. The things that make us secure are the basic necessities such as a roof over our heads, enough food, solid social connections, enough finances, and family. So, what does it take, or mean, to feel safe? Something I have always known, and have witnessed over the past few weeks, is how important and essential feeling safe is, to healing. For decades I have shared with my members how I create a safe space in my office so that they can decompress and let go of any built-up stress. Over time they will develop the ability to create that same safe space within themselves.
Feeling safe may be just as essential as love is to healing and becoming whole once more. The reason why safety is so important, is because if we don’t feel safe, our amygdala, which is located deep within our brain’s medial temporal lobe, gets activated and links our emotions to a traumatic event. The amygdala is a key element of our limbic system, which key function is to process our emotions, deal with fear, store memories, and create our behavior patterns. Over time the amygdala stores more experiences, solidifying how certain situations either mean we stay on red alert, versus a green and calm space. Simply, the amygdala’s key role is to regulate our emotions, to link emotional meaning to our memories, and how process getting a reward or punishment, all of which ultimately affects our decision making.
Over time, our body and nervous system may get hijacked – forever playing a loop that may lead to PTSD or not feeling safe even when the threat has been long gone or perceptively neutralized. The more reactive we get and the quicker we shift into anger and fear, the less we are able to rationalize what’s going on in a particular situation. Hence, we are controlled by our emotions and are unable to bring our cognitive thinking and rationalizing process into our experience.
The less we are able to think clearly and rationally, the easier it is for us to be controlled and manipulated. Perceiving the loss of control and the inability to navigate a seemingly harmless situation then creates the perfect opportunity for a panic attack to set in. For those that have not experienced a panic attack, it can be frightening and the person often feels like they are going to die. In truth, the moment we are unable to control our emotions and we go off a ledge, is when our body literally takes over and does its best to shut us down. That is why many may feel light headed to the point of passing out.
So how do we get back to safety? Currently, many pundits are encouraging a meditation practice that helps you to breathe and get yourself into the present moment. Meditation can do wonders for many, if one can get out of their minds and become quiet. For those that have a hard time calming their over-busy mind; one strategy that I have learned over the years is instead of trying so hard not to think, allow the thoughts to come through. Let the mind go wild and learn to become an observer, and take a look at all the thoughts your mind is creating. After a while, those multiple thoughts that come flooding in become white noise, almost like the television sounds that play in the background while you cook dinner or are having a conversation with someone. You will find with practice, often times by not resisting something, you are able to be more in the flow. With that being said, you will discover that just by observing all those thoughts, you’ll be pushed you into a more calmer and meditative state.
Another strategy that you can use to bring yourself back to safety is to place your hands on your stomach or heart area and focus on your breath going in and out. Focus on the depth, or lack of depth, and how it feels as you breathe. The more you are able to focus on connecting with your breath and how it feels in your body, the more present you will be in those moments. It’s more difficult not to be present when you are just focusing on breathing in and out of your body. Also, what creates a panic attack and anxiety is mentally fearing a future event that you perceive will cause you pain and suffering. Being present in the moment helps to prevent you from projecting into the future.
Finding ways to feel safe internally will help you over time to not react and be more rational in dealing with upsetting, challenging events. Take some time build your resilience, and use facts to help you recognize that fear is really just “false evidence appearing real.” The more energy you put towards anger and fear, the further away from safety you will get.
